Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
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