yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Randomize
