3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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