forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Randomize
