He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
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