Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

Sorry alan_ipod hasn't picked any favorites yet.

ADVERTISEMENT

(919): View more from North Carolina

Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.

Fav 20 4753 1366
share tweet
(204): View more from Manitoba

between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.

Fav 28 1203 4900
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(937): View more from Ohio

someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.

Fav 12 5196 1278
share tweet
(402): View more from Nebraska

You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day

(1-402): View more from Nebraska

If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it

Fav 12 5264 1613
share tweet
(202): View more from Washington, DC

just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog

Fav 4 3659 1268
share tweet
(304): View more from West Virginia

Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you

Fav 20 3272 1335
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(303): View more from Colorado

I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas

Fav 3 1004 529
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(480): View more from Arizona

I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.

Fav 0 26 50
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(405): View more from Oklahoma

How are you feeling today?

(1-405): View more from Oklahoma

Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.

Fav 0 18 23
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT