it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
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