my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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