Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
