I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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