I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
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