obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
