the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
