i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
