Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
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