im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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