I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
