her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
