You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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