Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
