just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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