I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
