Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
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