Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
