Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Randomize
