Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
