Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
