Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
