Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
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I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
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