you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
