I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
