Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
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