If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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