if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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