omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
