its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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