Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
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We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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