Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
