Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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