I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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