It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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