He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
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When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
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Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
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