i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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