Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Randomize
