Im at strip club and am horny
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
They are going to name an STD after you.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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