Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
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