the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
Randomize
