I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I need a beard to bite.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Randomize
