OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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