Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Drunk is a universal language darling
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