Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I think I just sharted jello shots
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
