She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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