Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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