I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
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