If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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