just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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