Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
