Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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