we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
