Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
