i think i have two assholes
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I think my nap took me to another dimension
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
