You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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