Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Randomize
