Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Randomize
