At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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