In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
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