Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
