Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Be still, my beating vagina.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
