Where is the hickey?
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
